Because I Said So

Olivia Grace Louise? Melendez

         The story goes, well the story I've heard only one time before, that on the day I was born, my father was watching Grease, and when the credits rolled, saw Olivia Newton-John's name and decided, "That's it, my first child is Olivia." Ironically, I've never actually seen Grease in its entirety, but I know the gist- high school drama, a musical, iconically American, Look At Me I'm Sandra Deen. But like I said, I've only gotten the Olivia Newton-John version once. All the other times when I've asked why I was an Olivia, mostly out of preteen angst when I felt so deeply that I was someone more mysterious and dark, Violet at the time, I've gotten more or less the "Because you're name is what it is." 

         I've never really been an "It is what it is" or a "Because I said so" kind of girl. Not that defiance is particularly at the top of my to do list, I've just always approached things differently. 

         You see, the question mark at the end of Louise, which seems like a sloppy-not-proofread-done-the-night-before mistake, is actually deliberate. My mother is a born-and-raised Roman Catholic, so I in turn grew up going through the motions of Catholicism: the Baptism so big, people thought it was a wedding, the First Holy Communion equally as over the top, and more recently, the Confirmation, where as an up and coming member of the Church I got to choose a name. But at the time, I was completely aware I still didn't know who I was; so another haphazardly chosen name got added to the line. 

         But even more recently, as I've been finding out who I am and who I want to be, I am slowly breaking down the "Because I said so" names that label me, even the one that I chose, and molding them into my own. The last thing I want to do is follow in the footsteps of my name, which I honestly do love, and live a life without questioning the way things are, or worse, a life in which I accept "It is what it is" as an answer. 

         So far, Olivia, to me, means determination and self-assurance. Although officially defined as peace, its elegant simplicity reminds me everyday that that is exactly what I don’t want to be- simple. It inspires me every time I write it at the top of a page to put all I have into whatever I do, because I do not aim to be simple, but instead memorable. And Grace, which regrettably doesn’t always get spelled out every time I write my name, reminds me to become my own Olivia with, well, grace. To always be sure, but never cocky. To be humble, yet not self-deprecating. As for Melendez, not only does it add an unexpected Spanish flair, but it also carries my family: wild, unapologetic, loud, loving- my family.

         So, next time you’re watching Grease, don’t think of me. Next time you see Olivia Newton-John on TMZ, please, don’t think of me. Instead, further along the line, when you see what I’ve put into the world, think of not my name, but me, because I said so.