Ali Rajohn Eric Henderson: Fourteen
years old and a freshman in high school, well, should have been. Henderson was
murdered before he could start the school year. He was involved with drugs. He
was involved with gangs. He was involved with guns. He was impressionable.
You see, Henderson was a part of
the critical age group- middle school into high school- in which transitions
are inevitable and decisions begin to shape the person you’ll be for good.
Teens become young adults and young adults choose who they want to become. In
large cities like Newark, where Henderson was from, street violence and, as a result, murder are becoming an epidemic
among young people, and little is being done about it. Communities rally for
vigils to grieve the loss of their young people, but what do they do in order
to prevent it?
Well, right now, I see very little preventative measures being taken to avoid situations of lives being cut too short from happening. What is direly needed are programs that young adults want to participate in, which are fun and constructive, and places and people available to them that can keep them on the right track toward a bright future. So many young minds are lost to the temptation of drugs and gang violence simply because they have nothing better to do or nowhere else to turn. Young adults of the impressionable ages of twelve through fifteen need a positive outlet in which they are encouraged and praised for putting out constructive things into their communities, and we as communities need to realize we have a responsibility to our youth to provide them with this.
Within our communities, there are so
many wonderful individuals who can contribute to the future of these teens,
just simply by offering themselves as mentors, speaking about their careers,
helping host events, and many other simple things that can contribute to a
better climate overall. Establishing places where kids can go to hang out or
participate in something, or people who kids can confide in and seek advice from would, can, and needs to be
a crucial element in the shaping of them as individuals. By providing youth with a positive
influence and an exposure to opportunities they wouldn’t have otherwise been exposed to, we can work toward lowering the violence and related tragedies as a
result of the lack of support for these young adults.
So, let’s get together as a
community and put together programs and opportunities (college tours, socials,
games, classes, etc.) for our youth, and maybe someday by doing so we will
never have to gather to grieve a tragedy like Henderson ever again, but rather, we will be gathering to praise the success of the kids whose lives we've changed.
Source/More about Henderson's Case: http://www.nj.com/essex/index.ssf/2013/09/newark_teen_tied_to_gangs_drugs_is_murdered_before_his_first_day_of_high_school.html
This is really good! The structure itself was nearly perfect! the only thing i would advise is elaborating on HOW. What kinds of activities, programs, etc. are you proposing should be provided for teens? you went into it a little bit but i feel you should elaborate more so that it doesnt seem too broad. also, some spelling errors. other than that, good job!
ReplyDeleteGood Job! You definitely accomplished the goal and stuck to the outline of a proposal. However, I wish I knew more about Henderson. I knew that you were trying to emphasize your point in the first paragraph using parallel structure. "He was involved.." But to me, it seemed a little choppy and I wanted to know how he was involved in gangs, and what he did with guns, and what drugs did he use. Also, how did he die? Including more pathos would make it a stronger argument.
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